God, this week I am proud to present a really premium Goth Goose. It's Kyle from Seattle, home of grunge music and Goth Geese deluxe. If you wonder what's up with his hair I may tell you a secret: He gets an electroshock therapy to cure him from a disease which is called "neural goth hallucination" aka "mad cow disease". But there is another secret about his hair - the colour! Do you want to know why it is blonde? I'll tell you why. Real (and I mean *real*) goths pissed on his head after beating Kyle up and so his hair turned light. Sounds incredible but if you know the piss of real goths you also know this must be true. And the eyes, oh God! Looks like many goths have given him a thrashing. But I ask: Who cares? Some losers just get what they deserve! And Kyle deserves it well.
Hey, he describes his new car as "It is my brand spankin' new coffin on wheels..."
I say: Then finally die in it and start rotting, damn! I can't stand your ugly pictures anymore!

Exhumed from the grave comes forth Kyle.
Damn, why haven't the worms eaten you up as long as you were in the grave. Now the world has to deal again with you...

Musical genius, child prodigy, an enigma to the general public.
I say: Musical wanna-be, childish moron, a torture for the general public!

Kyle is an extraterrestial lifeform who came to Earth from eons of enslavement to the natives who populate the amoebas of ecstasy.
You are an extraterrestial numscull. Do you really think your blabla sounds cool? Or even interesting? Go back to Pluto with your piddling "brand spankin' new coffin" and die because of a meteor collision.

It is unknown of Kyle's origin
Nonsense! You are the result of an experiment which an insane geneticist made when he mixed the DNAs of a cockroach and an amoeba

His mind has been altered so that he cannot perform mathematical tasks as directed.
I have never doubted that you are too stupid to know what's 1 + 1.

The researchers proclaim that Kyle is bipolar
Being moronic is not good enough for you, hm? No, you must say "bipolar" because it sounds cool and many ask themselves "What's bipolar?". I'll tell you what's bipolar, fuck it: Being worthless as dog shit and stupid as hell.

has a myriad of other defects.
The worst defect is that you were born without any single brain cell.

The bitter illusion of the world has betrayed him.
...and was also born without a backbone. Stop wailing, you waste of DNA! Get up and learn fighting! (Wow, I'm trying to give Kyle self-confidence... I wonder whether this will work, haha!)