"...My angel wings are glued right on......My golden halo has four clips......Nothing can fill u with more desire......than the gentle touch of an angel's lips...:::Feel her fingers run down ur spine::::::Feel her lips whisper "you're mine":::::Her tongue leaves traces round ur lips, so cold::::::As she caresses u, she takes ur soul:::"

"My eyes have burned right off...my machine gun has four clips left...Nothing can cover my keyboard with more puke...then the toxic shock that is this piece of shit webpage...Feel this review run down your spine...See my lips whisper "You're mine"...my tongue still tastes last night's pizza...As I shake my head in disdain, I come after you..."

Today's winner is not the basic poser we all know and despise. Nope, this one is...special. The site is called "My Bitter Sweet Depression" *faints from the extreme gothiness and originality* The talented "individual" that felt the need to upload her piece of heaven for all of us to enjoy *gag* is Sophia Mai Ramsey. Oh, and I recommend that you turn down your speakers, or just fucking unplug them to prevent you from damaging your hearing listening to this ear peircing yodel that kicks you in the teeth when you view the first page. Click on the beckoning skull and spinning pentagrams to dig your grave deeper. You'll have to click on the shit poetry I've quoted above to get to the main page. And boy, you are going to enjoy it...

"HI B4 WE BEGIN >If u are easily offended, or anti-goth, homophobic {or dunno wat that means}/racist/don't wanna hear my say, see my face - FUCK OFF!"

Oh, I am fucking shaking. It should read "Hello. Before we begin, if you have a bad stomach, or if you are a real and original goth, or xenophobic, or anybody with decent spelling and an ounce of sense, leave now before it is too late." A typical black background and purple text, free graphics (there's a reason why they are free),a shitload of advertisements, MORE bad grammer (yeah, Goths can't spell, y'know), LOTS of disclaimers (like that's going to stop me), and a few Gothic Link Exchange banners strewn here and there, and *POOF*, a website trying so hard to convince herself she's Goth, while the rest of us know what she is...a Goose! And don't click on her ultimate embarrassment (I already did by going past the first page), as you will be greeted by her singing to some god awful song. At least she admits she's a bad singer. Here's a strange thing...she has Javascript scrolling text on the bottom of the browser saying "Welcome to the Mexican Staring Frog's Homepage! I am dammit, hehe...honest!" Believe me...I don't care...

One thing you will notice almost immediately is that she is a Placebo fan. More specifically, she LOVES Brian Molko, the lead singer. She has the spark of a stalker, I'll give her that. You somehow get the feeling you know where this is going. Just when you think it can't get any worse...it does.

I'm so angry about the three things following, make it stop! Click to find out!:

I clicked the third one and it almost made me slash a major artery...

"Myself most days. Today. I write this with tears streaming down my cheeks. My life sux, I have to face the fact I can have no fun AT ALL due to my parents, my GCSEs are coming up. My shitty life and the way it always ends up with me crying, hating myslef. I am so fucking worthless, maybe I will get run over tomorrow and put you and myself out of misery. I feel so damn empty everyday"

I don't know about you, but she seems to be having a great time being sad, angsty and mopey. You can definetly tell how depressed she is surrounded by her friends in her pictures. Jesus Christ, why must posers act like nobody gives a shit about them and their life is worthless? And if your life sucks because your parents gave you a curfew, then you're going to have a life full of disappointment. I bet she doesn't even have a job. Let's see how mopey she gets when she has to say "you want fries with that?"

Her pics page (called "If I loved Myself I'd Be Shooting You"...*snicker*) is basic, nothing big about it, except for this annoying "alternative" song that plays when you view the link (you know why it's called "alternative"? Because it's an alternative to anything that's good). What is it with losers who think they are so goth by scribbling on their faces? She has "PLACEBO" written on her cheek! That's it! I'm scrolling past this "goth as fuck" photo. Well...pics of her as a GAP goth. Man, those photos are grim. Ick, take me away...

Her bio page has another disclaimer *sigh* telling us that she is "very judgemental and hypocritical, get used to it babe..." *g*". Oh yeah, I'm laughing right now....

-> PPL who critisise ya for not being a 'Proper Goth' (would sumone please tell me wat this is?) becuz u don't have every single trait, for goodness sake ain't it about individuality and adapting the style to suit u...I hate all those "gothier than thou" prats too...drop the sulky attitudes..it's not 'cool' (sumone define that too please?)

Oh, and you don't have a sulky attitude? Girl, you don't have a clue about what Goth is. What was one of Andrew Eldritch's favorite bands? Have you heard any music by Deep Red, Eva O., Usherhouse, Christian Death, Corpus Delecti, or even Bauhaus? Do you even know the history, beliefs and people that are the lifeblood of Goth? You can go ahead and be an individual, but don't expect other Goths, or even other people to take you seriously. Other than that piece, the rest of her bio is..well, long. Too long. In her "Words to describe me", it's basically pick and choose...

She has a Placebo page and a Molko page, but I got sick of hearing about them the first 300 times, so I think I'll pass. The rest of her pages are links to her friends' pages, links to editorials, her thoughts, and a webring. Not to mention the countless ads littered through the page. If you like Tina the Troubled Teen (and who doesn't, eh?), she has her, and a Goth Code. Her layout isn't shit, though, I have to give her that. But she is unmemorable and uncontributing to the Goth community. She needs to give up Goth and live her unremarkable and angsty life worshipping Brian Molko and Placebo away from the real Goths. I almost feel bad that she is this deluded. But then again, you ever try to convince yourself you're a poser?

One last thing: She has a "Goths Against Hate: Erase the Stereotypes" banner on her page. Funny...she likes to perpetuate stereotypes herself. Please...I can't stand it. There's no place like home...there's no place like home...

by Jedah