Lashiec writes:

Who the hell is this guy?!? I've promised myself never to
use a page with frames, and this is a perfect demonstration
of why I hate them. He has not 1...not 2...but 3! 3 frames
on his main page.

My god, if you absolutely insist on using frames _at least_
use them right. I had to scroll right to find what these
stupid icons on the left went to. -Why the hell has he linked
to goth goose? Does he feel that hundreds of real goths laughing
at his pure idiocy is going to help his personal image?!?!

"I am 178 cm tall and my weight is 69 kg now. Actually I am on a diet since 4 years but I
could never reduce my weight as much as I wanted because I
love eating good meals too much."

Since when do we give a shit how tall you are? From the looks
of this guy, im surprised he didnt use every known mesurment unit on
earth to make his height 666. And as far as his weight? Oh come on,
this guy spends his life photgraphing the mcdonalds franchise.
And, he expects us to believe that he eats good meals? Oh yes, I
forget, those Big Gothic Macs are filled with nutrients.

"Besides I work as an employee at a McDonald's Restaurant
during my weekends for I love earning money as well.
Probably you will say 'Hahaha, look at this guy who is
working for this shitty company.'"

Yes, I do.

"McDonald's is pretty lame when you are a normal worker
(like a griller or a counterman) but as an employee the job gets
a little more interesting because you are responsible for your
working crew, guests, the equipment and the 'high quality
standards'."

HAHAHAH ooh, I see that this guy is much higher than the usual
McDonalds worker...he has undergone various promotions, taking him
above the normal grillers and countermen (or maybe his boss noticed
that he was too incompetent to operate the grill or cash register).

"The one and only reason why I like to work for
McDonald's is that it makes a lot of fun to work with people of
your age. And above all, the McDonald's system is brilliant! I
have never seen any other perfectly working company like
McDonald's."

This makes me want to acctually stroll into McDonalds and say "Hello
(name on his name tag)," and watch him stare at you confused.

"Furthermore I like IRC a lot. You can usually find me as
'Strayligh' (actually my nickname is "Straylight" but because
of the lame Undernet which can only handle nicks with max.
nine characters I decided to leave the last "t" out)"

Let me guess, you go on IRC and try to fool people into thinking
that you are gothic? Or, do you threaten to OOB them if they don't
call you the McGothicMaster? I'd stop calling the server you are on lame,
and take a look at yourself. Do you trot into these channels in mIRC and direct
people to your home page to laugh at how bad your HTML is?

"And above all, believe it or not, I like going out at night (but
luckily I will probably never meet you in my life)..."

I wouldn't want to meet you in life. You should consider yourself lucky that
you haven't met me, I might be forced to kill you as a favor the the rest of the world!!!

Hate list:
"people who consider Type O Negative as gothic.
ping time outs (hahahahaha)."

I have to agree, Type O isnt gothic, but neither are you.
Ping timeouts? (See above about someone on mIRC OOb'ing you.) What, are
you going to 'nuk0r' me if I call you marKus??!?!

Hate: "these dumb "vampire the masquerade"-idiots and those who play being vampires."

OOh, this is very GOTHIC of you. How about we talk about AD&D? werewolf? I see that
this guy cannot grasp the concept of a game from reality. I guess he believes that people
like to go around posing to be a vampire like him. Go back to mcdonalds pretending to be
the ultimate McGoth and leave roleplayers alone.

Hate: "goth code (who the hell needs a bunch of numbers and letters to characterize oneself?)."

The 'goth codes' are pretty lame; but really,
Who the hell calls themselves "Goth as Fuck" ? Oh, what do we
have at the bottom of his page? "My Goth Code V3.56$&%&(131FUCK_OFF347290:"
Yes, ladies and gentalmen, this is TRUE STUPIDITY.

"GoCD3$FUCK4$§OFF,#*?YOU5%GOTH5(%&:_GOOSE!!!!?)=!424548;_I42DON'T/3/3)=NEED*+~SUCH}][{A
SHIT565&TO7862DESCRIBEMYSELF...53&%YOU43;:*GOFF]$226LAMER?=90©©©SHALL534BURN
7432()/5/IN"§"%&§35HELL§654!"$%FOREVER4578934;:_/&76/)&6873"

Yes, very good. You have managed to show everyone that you
are unoriginal...AND...THE ULTIMATE GOTH
thats right, everyone who laughs at this guy is a GOTH LAMER

Hate: "spooky kids."

Yeah, I hate spooky kids too; hence writing this e-mail making fun of one.

Hate: "Aud!max, an useless magazine for students (their
computer and internet columns are extremely lame).
high phone bills after a lot of IRC'ing.
Ronald McDonald. pseudogoths on IRC. Goth Geese."

Something lamer than your web page? I've gotta see this...
Are you so much of a fucking loser that you are willing to -pay-
just to get on IRC where you make a fool out of yourself and OOB people?!?!

You hate goth geese? Hmm...need I say more!??!?! yeah, this is fun.

THE LIKE LIST (A list of ultimate McGothic things Straylight likes)

"netsplits." -3 words: ping minus F

"gloomy concerts." -Hes a rockin hanson gof (maybe this perception relates to "The muppet show" ?)

"fucking up bandwidth by using a lot of pics (is there any
sensible and serious way to use the WWW except for downloading a lot of shit?)."

What the fuCK!!?!? You call other people lame? I think Im on a page that
makes me download a lot of shit. I think Ill clear my cache after I leave,
just to avoid being infected by your stupidity.

"nice girls (who doesn't?)." -Probably heterosexual females, and homosexual males?

"Yes, you lamer! Now that you have made it this far and found nothing of
real interest please don't bother me with any stupid stuff. You will neither
find any porn nor warez links! Get a real life, sucker!!! I hate you!"

Maybe Ultimate McGoth gets off on his McDonalds pictures.
Yes, I am lame..thank you for showing me the path, oh great goth as fuck one..
You have lead me into the light, without your shirt on, you have shown me that I, truely am
the stupid and lame one, and that I should walk with you on beaches showing off my ugly chest.
Oh lord McGoth!!

I want to click my "home" button, but I cannot...  Why, you may ask?
Simple, it is because I can't reach my mouse since I'm too busy clawing my
fucking eyes out!

my GOD!!  what the hell is THIS?!  I came here looking for a goth goose,
and what do I find?  Chicken McStraylamer!  Just when you think you've seen
it all, along comes this ubergooose kraut deluxe with cheese here to
eclipse all predecessors. Observe:

"Hello! My name is Marcus Frings and I am spelled with "c" (never dare to
write my name wrong!)."  

Oooooooooooh!!!  ScaaaAAAAaaaAAAAAaared of you, Hamburglar!  Are you and
Grimace gonna take me out back and "teach me a lesson" with a plastic
straw?  Take your shitty animated gifs and pack off to Sao Paulo, bitch. 

This brings me to another point.  I noticed also that Stray here has
several links to Brazil.. is that where all the Nazi krauts are holding out
these days?  Argentina not making the grade anymore?  May I suggest French
Guyana as a destination spot, Stray?  Send me a post card when you get
there, and be sure to drink plenty of that special Jim Jones Kool Aid.

As for the music selection?  May I direct you towards the following quote:

"Chord of souls
let it be the end..." (oh yes, please stray, end it)
"let it be the end..."  (dear lord PLEASE end it all)
"let it be the end between us
Chord of souls
eyes... eyes...
eyes... eyes..."  DEAR LAWDY, my EYES!!!! 

"I jumped on the heavy metal train as I got deeply influenced by legends
like Iron Maiden, Judas Priest or AC/DC. In my opinion this kind of music
is just like a drug since it has always to become faster, harder and louder
and so I had my first contact with the most aggressive kind of heavy metal:
Thrash and death metal."

You may have jumped on the train, Stray, but you missed the fucking boat. 

You've got to appreciate the music mix here folks.  Don't get me wrong, I'm
sure that Doro & Warlock and Helloween are fine, fine musicians.  I'm sure
they serve as a nice transition piece into the Manowar cd when Straylight
hosts his buttrock extravaganza parties.  I notice you didn't mention your
Dokken collection Stray, selectively FORGOT about it, eh?  Well know THIS:
I'm on to you , I know you have every Krokus album ever made you teutonic
TIT! 

Stray, my beloved, my ray of sunshine, my chunk of goo on the bottom of my
docs, do you not see it would be easier if you just stopped posing?  Since
the good Doctor Kevorkian has now taken to televising his euthanasia
practice, is it so farfetched to dream of a live webcast?  Time will only
tell.

Final note...

Seeing as it is the observed holiday of Thanksgiving here in the
god-blessed US of A, I feel a need to give thanks that I'm half a world
away from you, Stray.  I suggest you give thanks too, since a meeting with
me would inevitably result in your painful demise at my hands with the
assistance of three rubberbands, a fire extinguisher, and a BIG roll of
dental floss. tEE hEE!!!!!!!!!!

All hail blessed Straylight!

As thy angelic features wash into our humble consciousness, seemingly
calling us to commit deeds of mercy to so many followers of the cult
of manson, it is only the delicacy of thy marble-white flesh which
keeps us from such acts of heaven.

It is the mere hypnotic quality of thy goose-picture, that - although
seemingly taken without care - unites all the magic that keeps us
enchanted.

Like a little childe, playing with it's own excrements, there is
indeed a strange urge to play with things similar to this.

As we become adult, this feature does not vanish - it simply becomes
more - hmmm, how should I call it? - more elaborate shit.

Straylight is, in this very sense, a very important member of our
community and even the first of his kind: He is a full-scale provider
of elaborate shit.

And this is, for what we love and hate him. Love him, for shit is so
fascinating - and hate him, for we all have to accept, that it is our
shit, we laugh at.

But even as thou art marveling at the shit: Never forget - ending shit
is a mercykilling - but seriously: Do we have to show mercy?

Well here we have it, yet another damn Goth Goose. This might take a
while, as there is a LOT to say about Marcus Frings, aka Straylight.
  Is this some sick joke? or is this guy really the living incarnation
of the Robert Smith/Boy George love child? This picture is terrible! he
looks like he accidently slipped the lipstick up his ass after he put
the make-up on! i'm not even going to comment on the bare chested
picture, i'm feeling too sick. the one thing this guy DOES have going
for him is he can compete with john travolta and chevy chase for the
World's Largest Chin Cleft.
His entire page is a pathetic attempt at setting up frames, wasting the
entire top section just for his page title. "The Villa Straylight" (oh
very original title i think there's about fifty thousand other pages out
there called that) is a testament to just how bored some people have to
be to actually look at this crap. His link icons look like he just
searched for 'icons' on webcrawler and grabbed whatever the first
listing was, and on a 17 inch monitor his frames setup STILL didn't show
the title of each link, not like you'd want to look at them anyways. His
'about me' section is just a bunch of inane dribble written with
horrible grammer (he's german, knows enough of english to sound like he
might know what he's talking about but fucks up too many words and
usually just sounds idiotic) and every other sentence there's a
pointless link to some web page that nobody but him cares about.
Throughout his page he tries to claim how 'goth' he is because of the
music he listens to, but let's examine a few things: he works at
McDonald's, lists the 200m breast stroke as one of the things he hates,
and has an entire section dedicated to tourist traps in Brazil (along
with a nice little pic of this supposed 'goth' in what looks like a blue
denim shirt, along with a lot of pictures of his Brazil relatives, like
we care)
He does have an impressive music collection, though doesn't seem to
understand the basics of alphabetical organization, as the Cure is
listed under T for 'the' along with the sisters of mercy
The rest of his page is just crap, a chemistry links section (as if
anyone gives a rat's ass about your favorite chemistry pages) and a
McDonald's section (i think this speaks for itself)
Straylight doesn't even have the honor of being an astounding or
particularly bad Goth Goose, he's nothing more then a Goose Geek

duke nuke'em rating: you are an incentive for birth control!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! what the hell is THIS????  Is he trying to look like
Robert Smith or something?  I think Robert Smith would revolt if he were to
ever see this horrid photo.  And that hair, he looks as if he stuck his finger
in the electrical socket.  I guess Mommay and Daddy never taught him about the
dangers of sticking fingers in the electrical socket - not to mention, going
out the door with badly applied makeup.  I cannot even begin to say how stupid
this person actually looks.  Where the hell do these things come from anyway?
He looks worse that crypite and Drake combined!!  This loser also works at
McDonald's for a living  *LOL*.  Boy, the people over at McDonalds must have
been really doped up when they hired this hideous creature!! Heh, I wouldn't
doubt it if he got all depressed if the manager said that he can't flip
burgers with his oh-so-"gothic" makeup on.  Go see this losers site for a
really good laugh!! 

AGH!! ROBERT SMITH ON ACID!!!

My god, what can I say? This guy must've taken the "How to be Goth in Less than an Hour" pages WAY too seriously. Cryptie, Eurogoth, I'm sorry, but you've lost your throne...:(

Straylight. That faceless "goth" that takes pictures of people he deems "losers" and makes fun of them. Well, if I looked like he did, I'd need to make fun of real goths to boost my pathetic self image too.
So, just when I figure it can't get any more disgusting...I find his homepage. I'm not even sure how to put this into words that make sense, but I'll try. Let's see, we're greeted by 3 frames, complete with side scrolling and animated images...after sitting for a few minutes...midi files...not even GOOD midi files! OH WOW! McDonalds! I was wrong, he just got more pathetic. Taking pictures of various McDonalds' for a hobby!? Yeah, that's the mark of a success. I'll bet he spends his breaks trying to figure out the chemical makeup of the shakes. Now, if he'd only spend as much time on his OWN makeup as he does on chemical makeups and taking pictures of fast food places...
Surely, I've hit the bottom of the barrel, no? No. If you were guessing someone who would wear makeup like this has no life, Straylight's music page proves it. He's actually taken the time to list every single cd in his collection! ...and what do I spy in that collection? Well, none other than the infamous poseur goth himself: MARILYN MANSON!! WOO! 666!! SaTaN RuLeZ mAn!!! LoNg LiVe tHe rEv! *gag* Well, the makeup proves THAT...apparently you didn't read the instructions on the "how to be gothic" pages well enough, even THEY say to BLEND!!

Here, you can use my power sander.

as for this...well, all I can say is, no REAL goth would:
1. be caught dead without makeup
2. be caught on a BEACH, in the SUN! You fake!

Now for that Duke Nukem rating: "Damn you are ugly!"

Oh dear Straylight...What have you done to yourself? Obviously, he has spent way to much time looking for potential geese. My god will you LOOK at that picture? Who the hell does this freak think he is? Hello, anyone home in there? Didn't think so. So, think looking like a cross between the crow and one of the munster cast rejects makes you goth? HA! Think again! And that hair... lord, do they let you out in public like that? I shudder to even think of what's hiding in that rats nest.

"He closed his eyes Symbols, figur Please, he prayed, now - A gray disk, the color of Chiba sky" what is that shit? Oh - I guess quoting dark stuff on your page makes you so "goffick"... So, this little twerp considers himself GAF. Excuse me? yeah, right. Oohhh Marcus spelt with a "c". "(never dare to write my name wrong!)." Yes Sir! Ma'am, erm... Sir... ohhh and look at that oh so cute "goffick" pic of him sprawled out over the ground. A desperate cry for someone to help him lose his virginity is my guess. "People born as Taurus are known to be eager, faithful, deliberate, polite and they love company. I don't know why the hell I am telling you this shit" Well dear, we don't know *why* you're telling us either. Anyone care to explain? This lamer even works at McDonalds and BRAGS about it! Whoa! I always thought that working there was something you hid from your friends. Let me guess - they have cool "goffick" uniforms for you to wear, or do they just call you in on halloween? **smirk** "A hobby of mine is to collect photos of McDonald's restaurants" *lmao* honey, you need to get a life. Collecting photos of a fast food chain *rolls eyes* And we thought hunting for geese was bad *wink* this boy is obsessed. Someone do us a favour and commit him to a mental hospital.

YA - this boy has a little bit TOO much time on his hands - he lists every CD he owns... lord, someone get him a hobby, or a date or something. Isn't there some "kewl" "goffick" clubs you can go to and hang out with other wanna-be's?

There isn't much at all to this page, besides the fact that he BEGS you to wait for his pics to load. And what the hell is with these damned frames that you have to SCROLL? Argh... Thankfully though he has abstained from using the tacky, overused graphics such as dripping blood bars, spinning skulls and the like - GO MARKUS! hehehe, sorry, Marcus. Please don't hurt us, we might like it! He does talk about himself an awful lot. Can we say c-o-n-c-e-i-t-e-d? Good boys and girls! I knew you could. Now where's the picture of Marcus in a fork lift?

Straylight, Marcus (identity crisis?) whoever the hell you are - get a life, get a real job, and get a real webpage.

Isobel and Manda Rating - We didn't think afterbirth could live?!?!

The first thing I encounter upon entering Straylight's homepage is FRAMES, and lots of them. I've never seen so many pointless frames in all my life. He even has a frame for the page title (which is very original, by the way). His opening page tells me "1778 people have come to watch my pages." More like, "1778 people have come to laugh at me and have ended up puking their guts out looking at this god-awful color scheme." After turning my computer's sound off because I can't seem to find anywhere to turn off the stupid MIDI files, I click on one of the many cheap graphics in the frame to the left and find myself reading all about Straylight. (Happy happy, joy joy!). The first thing he tells us is "My name is Marcus Frings and I am spelled with "c" (never dare to write my name wrong!)." What are you going to do to me if I do, make me come back to your page again? *cringe* Okay, maybe I can remember to write your name correctly.

Upon reading further, I discover that Straylight is a Taurus. "People born as Taurus are known to be eager, faithful, deliberate, polite and they love company. I don't know why the hell I am telling you this shit because I don't really give a fuck on this stuff. Indeed I give a fuck on astrology in general as there is no use for it in my life." Well, *do* you give a fuck or don't you? Make up your mind! "Before lamers like you send e-mails to me telling me I should do better things in my life instead of creating this kind of shit I want to inform you that I already have a real life! I study chemistry at the Rheinisch Westfälische Technische Hochschule of Aachen and this subject is one of the very few things I love (Probably Shoko Asahara will have a job for me later. Hahahaha!). Here are some links about chemistry which are worth to be mentioned." So you claim to have a real life, but you put up a whole page full of chemistry links that no one besides you gives a rat's ass about? Sounds believable. I also discover that Straylight works at McDonald's, and also seems to have a rather unhealthy obsession with his work there. "Actually I don't like the company very much since the work is shit for a fulltime job (you can leave your brain at home when going to work)" Well, that's a problem that *you* shouldn't have! "And above all, the McDonald's system is brilliant! I have never seen any other perfectly working company like McDonald's." Here we go again with those contradictions in terms. First he doesn't like the company very much, and now he calls them perfect. Pick an opinion and stick with it!

Reading along further, I discover that Straylight likes cyberpunk literature and computer games (here we go with that real life again.) He also hangs out on IRC. "And above all, believe it or not, I like going out at night (but luckily I will probably never meet you in my life)" Thank God for small favors. I must say that I agree with most of the things listed on Straylight's hate list, but moving on to his love list I find out that he likes the Muppet Show (He could be on that show, actually. Don't they have a muppet that looks like a goose?) He also likes "fucking up bandwidth by using a lot of pics." So we can tell. Moving on to Straylight's music page. "What could I tell you here?" Probably nothing that I care about, so I might as well leave. The rest of Straylight's page consists of a bunch of facts and links to Brazil *yawn* a page full of links and pictures of McDonald's (actually the Paris McDonald's looks pretty cool) and a bunch of other inane crap that only a total loser with no life would care about. (Erm... well, I spent a half hour writing this review *cough* nevermind).

Dear god,

Let Cryptie run me over with his forklift, let Eurogoth smite me
repeatedly with his hat, and let Vargoon move in next door, but all I
really want for christmas is to never see this picture again.

Straylight's page is the epitome of stereotypical Goth Geese's sites:
bad html, cheesy GIFs, not one but two frames, and possibly worst of
all, imbedded midi files that I have no way to turn off, which is quite
annoying when I'm trying to listen to my CDs. Speaking of which, he has
more Marilyn Manson CDs than I do (I know, I'm bad), although judging
from that picture, it's not too surprising. I am surprised, however, to
discover that Straylight has a job, even though it is only at
McDonald's. I guess that joke about goths only being able to mope the
floors and depress the buttons is true.

It seems we have all been deceived. Straylight is not the exposer of
Goth Geese, he is their leader! Each week, he adds a new member to his
ever-growing army of stupid posers, and as soon as he grows strong
enough, they will run rampant across the earth, spreading their plague
of goosedom and infecting teenagers (and a few dirty old men)
everywhere. But if we band together, we can stop Straylight in time and
return infinity to his rightful throne, for he is ubergoth incarnate.

Illustrating the theory of "what goes around, comes around", we find the
Most Arrogant Goth Goose of the Week coming from--the Creator of Goth Goose
of the Week!

Rising as an ill wind blowing across a crematorium, The Villa Straylight
casts its baleful glare across the Webscape in a desperate attempt to prove
that one might be Deutscher and still retain a sense of humour.  However,
the sadder view is that this site is more or less serious in its mixed
homage to McDonald's, modern chemistry and Brazil.  Taking the view that
gooseness needs as much sugar to propel it as possible, one might forgive
the obsession with the Golden Arches, and chemistry...well, Straylight is
nothing if not a vaguely sticky collection of chemicals.  But Brazil?  How
utterly non-Goth, how very, very...Pythonesque.  Do all Germans have the
secret wish to flee to South America?  What is this Latin fascination of the
Germanic race?

Still, Webgoth or not, the real clue to gooseness has to be the "portrait".
Looking like a cross between Little Robert Smith of the Cure and
ReddiKillowatt, the mascot of American electricity, Straylight's Gothic
pretension is nothing short of a quick, damp finger thrust into a light
socket.  One is reminded of Ministry's cheesy "Revenge" video in the early
Eighties.

Don't quit your day job, Straylight...you're about as Gothic as Heino.
Honk, honk!

Straylight is an obese version of a really really tacky Robert Smith
wannabe (refrence, bad bad make-up pic of Straylight). Those saggy tits
and perky nipples lead me to believe that he has devoured one too many
Big Macs since he landed that oh so prestigious job of working at Mc
Donalds (whooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!). And look at that shirtless pic
of him!!! What the fuck??? He has the nerve to say he's GOTH AS FUCK on
his homepage when he runs around looking like THAT (refrence to
shirtless Spain picture)????! You're not goth Straylight!!! You're a
wannabe NORMAL Big Mac eater who only WISHES he had one gothic blood
cell in his entire fat flabby body! Holy Shit! Get out the sunglasses baby!!!

This week's Goth Goose is the most unintentionally funny Deutschlander
since Rammstein. Unlike Rammstein, however, his web page does not
feature coats on fire or simulated anal sex. More's the pity. Would be
much more interesting than what he's got here.

Entering his web site, you're greeted by a William Gibson quotation
(FANBOY!!) and frames (yuck).

If you bother to read his page, you'll find that Straylight is studying
chemistry (score a goth point or two for taking up a complex and
fascinating subject) and working at MacDonald's (okay, I take back that
goth point). He has taken pictures of different European MacDonalds to
underscore the fact that he has no life, as if the Quake2 playing and
the page dedicated to Brazil (not the movie) wasn't enough of a clue.

Marcy Marcus (*whew* I almost spelt it with a 'k') also plays Shadowrun,
yet hates Vampire the Masquerade players. Isn't that like calling the
pot a rusty old bastard? Whether you're running around pretending to be
an elven decker or a Sabbat priscus, you're still being a gamer geek.
But then again, I play White Wolf so I should talk. :)

About his pictures: why does he feel the need to put him up? I almost
got ill when I saw his nudie psuedo-horny beach picture. Thank god it
was from the shoulders up--I would have lost my lunch.

And check out his "gothic" pictures! What is this, the lost love child
of Robert Smith and Bozo the Clown! What's he doing lying on the ground,
getting grass stains on his best trenchcoat? This is about as "goth as
fuck" as John Tesh.

So, looking at this lame-ass page, we finally understand the purpose of
Goth Goose of the Week. Marcus, who speaks English as a second language
and has the social skills of, well, your average nerd, looks for people
worse off than him. You know, people who build shrines to Marilyn
Manson, really do think they are a Sabbat priscus, and can't even use
English as their first language. It makes him feel good. Like writing
this made me feel good. And isn't that what's most important?