This week's eye sore deserves to be a Goth Goose due more to the fact he's
just so incredibly lame then anything else. And while I hate using that
word, it really fits.
Our subject this week is too goth to have a name. On his attempt at a
website, he states 'you don't need to know' and frankly I'm glad to not have
a name to go with the face. But let's get the juicy bits, shall we?

This man has absolutely no HTML ability whatsoever. Checking the source code
we can see he used the Darksites.com page builder, and it shows. Nothing
like staring at a default black background with basic glaring yellow text.
Makes my retina explode with delight.
Though worse then the shabby HTML is the content it delivers. "Oh spread
your arms baby, it makes you look just like Eric Draven. You're so cool."
It's this sort of visual torture that makes you want to put a gun to his
head, pull the trigger, and exclaim "Quick impression for ya... caw caw
*BANG* fuck you're dead!"
Looking over his other pictures we see (surprise surprise) giant images. He
doesn't even bother resizing. The only saving grace is the content of his
web site is so scant (thank god) the page still loads quickly.
Scroll down... more stupid picture. Him in his glasses. Him with nail
polish. Me baging my head repeatedly against my monitor. Him with his cats.
Me looking for a straight razor. Oh this is going to be a fun night.

His websight itself is thankfully brief. After the assault of his pics we
have a brief bit of text that finalizes him in the pages of Goth Goosedom.
It's painfully obvious he's just another of your little D&D nerds who met
some other D&D nerd wearing black and thought 'oh wow that looks cool, i'll
do that and be a goth too'

Let's see what else we can dig up...

/birthdate: 8-13-80./
i'm sure this information will come in handy...

/R u a virgin? Hell no/
Will wonders never cease?

/Things you like to do: Druidry, Talk, Sex/
we're seeing it now.... getting closer...

/Special Skills Or Talents: Pyschic(still practicing), Rune Diviner(still learning), Rollerblading, And Master of Kama Sutra ;)/
Bingo! We have a winner! Nothing like the mind numbing banter of post
pubescent teenage males. I wonder if he could use his psychic abilities to
telepathiclly sense my retching at this. Or perhaps he can use his prowess
in the Kama Sutra to do something about these dry heaves (my keyboard thanks
me that I haven't eaten today)

Overall our mystery man's page is an absolute waste of time. It serves as
nothing more then an idiotic gesture of a obvious twit with no understanding
of the social group he's insulting by looking by that. This page deserves
our Goth Goose award if for nothing else then how incredibly stupid it is.
Now kindly excuse me, I think I'll now go pull some utterly random string of
HTML code out of my ass just to confirm that even THAT would look better
then this mockery of a web site.

by Jaerin Crae